October 27, 2002 

 

Dear Friggin Editor:

As a former Miami native and fan of the Dolphins, perhaps you can help me with my dilemma: What's up with the Friggin Fish? As a loyal Dolphin fan, I do my best to support the team. When Dave Wanstedt came in as Head Coach, I grew a big bushy mustache (my wife even liked it!)! Then, as they bring in Ricky Williams, I got permission from my wife to go with Dreadlocks (and I don't have many dreads to lock). Now they go and bring in Chris Carter - and I'm not sure I'm supposed to show my loyal support. Am I supposed to turn into a drug addict, or an alcoholic - or do I just go straight to the born again Christian route? I'm not sure I can get my wife to let me switch to Christianity - so, what do you suggest?

Solomon Friedman
dolfanSol@thuerk.net
Palm Beach, FL

  
 
Dear Sol... 

I appreciate your dilemma but who do you think I am... some kinda ESPN watchin, sports aficionado, know-it-all sorta guy?  You got the wrong dude.  I presume you are an avid reader of The Browne Pages, so you should know by now that I don't give a rodent's rectum about anything serious - especially football.  And as for the Dolphins are concerned, there hasn't been a football team in Miami since 1972!

I can see in your writing that you have some serious conflicts in your life.  Living your life vicariously through professional athletes is pathetic (to say the least).  The bushy mustache is fine... just don't tell me its to "be like Dave."  And as for the drug thing... you might as well turn to the "ganga" - you already have the dreads old Rasta man.

Sol... it's time you take hold of your life.  Find your self a real team to support.

How about 'dem bears?

The Friggin Editor