January 24, 1998

Dear Andy:  I am writing to you in protest of your decision to cease production of your annual Christmas newsletter.  I can't begin tell you the joy we used to get reading about your wonderfully eccentric family.  It makes all of our troubles trivial by comparison.  I remember last February when we received our copy of Mass Chaos.  It arrived just after our little Chuckie was crushed to death by the school bus.  I must tell you that your timing could not have been any better.  At the funeral, the good Reverend Faraday was so moved by your levity, he actually read excerpts from your holiday newsletter. 

What started out as a pretty somber day ended on a high note.  After the funeral, everybody returned to our house for refreshments and consolation.  There, as we gorged ourselves on food, we read aloud from all of your past newsletters and toasted Chuckie over dozens of Tequila slammers.  God bless you Andy but please rethink your decision.

Signed - Bob & Carla Franklin
Virginia Beach, VA

Dear Bob...

So good to hear from you again.  Sorry to hear about the old Chuckster.  When I read the obit Kevin sent me, frankly I laughed my ass off.  You know how Kevin is always playing great jokes.   I know Chuckie meant a lot to you and Carla but for God sakes think man... he had 17 wonderful, loving years.  He had a good life and besides, with severe head injuries like Chuckies, I'm sure he went very fast. 

Now, as to your earlier request.   I'll tell you what I told BigSpender above, BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS.  If you want to continue reading about our little, dysfunctional family, you'll just have to get a computer.  Quit being such a cheap ass son of a bitch.  And finally... the best to you and Carla in 1998. (original mailed because Bob doesn't have a computer)