Burlington, MA 9/1/98 - It is with deep sadness and (conflicting) emotion that I announce the overdue yet quite expected death of the F3 Software Corporation.  F3 Software passed away into digital oblivion on Friday, July 31, 1998 after a very long and fiscally debilitating illness.  

Originally, F3 was diagnosed suffering from Productus Non-shipus, (the inability to ship a completed software product).  However, the final cause of death resulted from the belief in one one's self-professed Taurus Dungus (that's bullshit for the Latin impaired).   To all my friends and fellow co-workers, who (at one time or another) shared the vision and energy of seeing F3 succeed, I trust you have found contentment and satisfaction in your new jobs (and lives). 

F3, like most startup companies, made mistakes - but this company pioneered the concept of repeating those mistakes over and over to the point of it being ridiculous.  In a recent speech to the membership of ASS, the Association of Software Startups, Harvard School of Business Professor Dr. George C. Russell pointed out... "Most business leaders have a tendency to learn from their mistakes -  F3 has elevated it to an art form."  

Having spent more than seven years associated with F3 (and its predecessor BLOC Development), I have witnessed both of these companies make a mockery of the major principals of good business.  For one to gain a complete appreciation of how F3 went from being the founder of the forms automation revolution to being a corporate laughing stock, one need only look at the H.M.S. Titanic, for in that story lies the story of F3. 

Like the Titanic, F3 began as a vision of the future but wound up at the bottom of the heap, broken, with its remains left to the scavengers to prey upon its rotting carcass.  But, unlike the Titanic, F3 didn't collide with just one mammoth iceberg, it smashed into hundreds during its meandering journey towards extinction.

Lacking any real vision and suffering from an extremely poor sense of direction, it was no wonder that disaster loomed just over the fiscal horizon.  

History has taught us that Titanic's Captain was advised many times of the dangers which lie ahead.  So too were F3's commanders. On many occasions, the company's loyal officers issued warnings that the company's direction was leading them in harm's way.  "Don't put all your eggs in one basket - have a back up plan," they pleaded.   But the commanders knew better.  They saw an IPO at the end of that rainbow and damn it - nothing was going to get in their way.  Not even logic or common sense. 

After more than two years of lies and serious corporate tap dancing, the F3 Money Pit (as it was affectionately known by its Buckeye Benefactors) never produced a marketable piece of software. 

They began this development odyssey after being taken in by two bullshit artists who professed to be software developers.   (This was a major iceberg encounter!    After traveling more than 18 months with these assholes down this dead-end path, the Commanders finally decided enough was enough and continuing with these two Bozo's was a serious mistake (no duh!).   They decided to bring the development of this new software in-house, in other words - finish it themselves.  Instead of starting over and throwing away the crap these two con men created (like many of the officers suggested), the genius' up on the F3 bridge tried to save time and fix the debacle themselves (another significant iceberg encounter).

F3 was now in serious trouble.   With no expectation of future revenues, the company was taking on horrific expense much like Titanic took on water.  Many of F3's crew decide to jump ship before the company took the final plunge.

Those remaining tried valiantly to create a marketable product but to no avail.  The Sales and Marketing effort proved no better than the engineering effort.   In Marketing 101, one is taught to Plan Your Work and Work Your Plan.   Not so at venerable F3.   Here they follow the now infamous 6-point methodology to oblivion - pioneered by The White Star Steamship Line, owner's of the HMS Titanic.  Coincidence?  I Think Not!

  1. Plan Your Work

  2. Change it

  3. Change it again

  4. Call in an expert to review your plan (generally an old, unemployed friend of the CEO)

  5. Rework your entire plan to emulate the one presented by the new "expert"

  6. Start all over again when the Commander gets another brilliant fucking idea.

And so the cycle went - over and over again - lasting through three different Vice Presidents.  Say what you want about F3, at least they were consistent!

In the company's waning hours, it became apparent that they were never going to see an IPO or New York (depending on what metaphor you were embracing.  A liquidation of assets was the only way the major investors would see any green.  And so the Buckeye Benefactor engineered a plan to preserve their fiscal integrity.  I only hope that the company who purchased F3’s lifeless remains can do what no F3 commander could do - make it a successful venture. 

So as the Good Ship F3 slipped beneath the surface, the scavengers (formerly know as Commanders) began to pick over the remains for any morsels (a.k.a. fixed assets) it could find.  There are some questions that the new owners need to be asking such as... Where did all the computers disappear to?   Where are the fax machines and office furniture?  My guess you'll find them in the possession of the scavengers.  

And now you know the rest of the story...

*** Ya think I successfully burned this bridge? ***